Grieving for the life you've lost

When you get the symptoms of ME, CFS and fibromyalgia they are such that you lose your capacity to have the life you used to have. There is a spectrum of how severe each individual’s symptoms are and thus how much loss you are experiencing. However, it is still important to be aware that you are experiencing a loss and thus you need to go through the grieving process consciously. 
There are slightly different models of grieving and so I encourage you to read and research for yourself too. Below is one of the most recognized models with more information about Elisabeth Kubler Ross at - http://www.ekrfoundation.org/. (Based on the Grief Cycle model first published in On Death & Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, 1969. Interpretation by Alan Chapman 2006-2009.)

Five Stages of Grief - Elisabeth Kübler Ross

1 - Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defense mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with ME symptoms because it’s a condition that is hard to ‘see’ and so admit to.

2 - Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them.

3 - Bargaining. Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing losing their former life can involve attempting to bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "If I rest in bed all day I’ll be able to…..". Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution.

4 - Depression. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.

5 - Acceptance This stage definitely varies according to the person's situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity. At this point the person is able to move into recovery and sustain that recovery.

I spent many years in denial - I really couldn't admit I was ill and I couldn't admist that I was anxious or nervous and suppressing negative thoughts. Yet when I did stop denying I was able to move quickly through my recovery. It was so important for me to acknowledge that I was in and out of these stages - then I was able to stop repressing my anger and allow my depression to lift.


People can get stuck at different stages in the steps and move backwards and forwards. It is with the awareness that they have suffered a great loss and need to grieve, that they can then move on into the recovery stage. If someone is using the Gupta Programme and struggling then it is important for them to examine if they are stuck in the grieving process. They can then work through the steps and look at some core issues before returning to the Gupta Programme ready to recover.