First time

Last week was my first time teaching yoga to a group of adults and I did it twice in that one week, covering for a friend.  The anxiety and negative thoughts started coming thick and fast during the weekend before.  The last time I had taught a group of school children I hadn't come across the Gupta Programme.  I was managing to work as a supply teacher which at the time I thought was a good way to live as it gave me flexibility to have time off when I got tired.  I then took on a six month part-time teaching contract and  I ended up having a full-on relapse.  At that time I had no idea that I was anxious and having negative thoughts.  Even though I knew I was a good teacher deep down in my unconscious there was negative programming from my childhood added into my being highly sensitive. 

This is what is so insidious about this condition - I just didn't know how much my thinking was affecting my health.  As much as I read about this mind-body connection I still hadn't understood how it was working in my day-to-day reality.  I didn't know that I had so many negative thoughts.  I couldn't hear the thoughts!  I didn't know I was scared of people.  I just thought I was shy!  Now I know how deep these fears are and how they affect my daily actions.

Now I know - which is great.  I know I have these thoughts.  Now I can change them.  And I do.  I felt the fear when I went to teach.  I did my relaxation breathing and visualisations.  I kept my body in the parasympathetic state as much as possible and I used the Gupta techniques on my thinking.  I did get some symptoms as a result of the adrenalin but I followed that up with more yoga and breathing.  The second time I taught I remembered how good I had felt after the class and I used that feeling to focus on.  I experienced less fear this time and carried on doing all my techniques.  It was easier the second time and again I felt so good afterwards.  It took me a couple of days to recover from the stress response that had been triggered but I recovered quickly and didn't spiral down into a relapse. 

So onwards and upwards.  I intend to live the life I want without fear however long it takes to get there!